I am no Incredible Hulk but How Mad I am!

Please allow the Superhero to rant today.

The Superhero would like to apologise for the lack of entries. The Superhero does not like to disappoint his fans. I know there are millions of you minions but are too shy to leave your mark, but that’s alright, the Superhero understands. I also have super bionic powers that allow me to know who YOU are so you think I don’t know, but I DO *cue muzak with lots of drumbeats and cymbals in background*.

But as such, obligation remains.

That’s right. First steps for Superhero-dom, the Hero Malaya was sent to Biro Tata Negara for three weeks! Apparently, according to the working Visa for Superhero Expatriates (Terms and Conditions, item 113, section ii(a) to (l)), all Superheroes are required to attend a three (3) weeks BTN course at Janda Baik, Pahang.

However, exceptions are given to Superheroes who are of ill health – such as the Plastic Man which then requires said Superhero to have supporting Certified and True Copied documents by the A listed Company Secretaries (only!!) such as:

i. doctors’ recommendation letters from doctors, (said doctors must be from Panel Hospitals and Clinics only – Addendum, Part IX, Section 3.23),
ii. copy from latest X-ray,
iii. original copy of X-ray report from certified radiologists from abovementioned doctors. Unfortunately for us Superheroes, Superman’s report could not be used – even IF he has X-ray vision and even IF he has written the report with his OWN handwriting (His cursive writing sucks by the way – he writes them way too fast so it kinda looked very jumbled).
iv. Original receipts for the costs undertaken above for reimbursements (for Reimbursement procedures please go to T&C, item 30, section 30.1 to 32.8 and Addendum IV).

However, this is an archaic and obscure rule as Superheroes are not meant to be of ill-health. We are all handsome, sexy (Wonder Woman can X-ray vision me ANY time baybee *roars*), have smooth complexion and have IQ of at least 800. Some of us can cook, sew and do windows too. And lookit Plastic Man - can that man stretch! (very good for backbone he says - he's very into holistic therapists nowadays).

Oh, I digressed.

BTN! Harrumph! What degradation! Superhero does not NEED to be put in a dark forest with only matches and my divine self as company. We are brave enough already! And what do you mean I cannot sing while I’m at it? The Bad People of BTN said that my rendition of “Celeste Aida” is horrible?

Tut. Tut. Unrefined boors they are!

And what’s with having to learn the Camp song and the dire camp vows? And oh oh oh what’s WITH the daily assemblies to start with? And having to cook own meals?? Horrors of horrors! I can easily zap out of Janda Baik to go to the nearest McDonalds and come back within 5 minutes and 20 seconds (McDonald’s orders took less than 50 seconds to prepare and I shall need the 4.5 minutes to scoff down Big Mac, 6 pieces of McNuggets, one large Fries, one large Coke and wash it down with one big chocolate Milkshake) and be back in time for the BTN Head Honcho boring daily closing speech.

Superhero does not look too kindly into these things. Your car tyres will be slashed viciously, mark my words.

So that was my explanation of Superhero being idle for a bit. But fret not, I will enthrall all of you with my superheroic exploits and tribulations.

But now, the Superhero needs his rest and his much needed sleep. And washing mud, monkey’s poo AND tweeze out the torns from the latex costume is no funny joke you know?

Yes, my idea of smart casuals of khakis and cottons have been shot down vehemently by the Legion of International Superheroes Council Committee Team.

Dilbert shall hear about this, mark my words.

It was a hot and boring day...

...when the Superhero a.k.a Hero Malaya decides to blog. We have to have a hobby too, you know.

Yes, I am, him, Hero Malaya.

I see that some of you are surprised. After all, whoever thought of a superhero in Malaysia? Aha, we do exist. Yep, we co-exist amongst you, and amidst the other creatures who tries very hard to be us. But c'mon...it doesn't state ANYWHERE in our Manual that a big, black, towering hairy thing that scares the shite of all children and adults alike can be a superhero. Even if you might be handy when it comes to helping out with the faulty street lights.

Because you see, the Manual specifically says: No scaring little children . Especially NO scaring of adults. (re: Article IV: General Prohibition of a Superhero, section 2(a) and 3(a))

So there Hantu Raya, you're not quite up to our league. Sorry about that, yo.

Ah, the Manual.

I'm having a bit of predicament as I type.

You see, Le Manual reiterates the importance of a Superhero Costume. (re: Article II: General Disposition of a Superhero. section 3(a) to (k))

Most of us Superheroes, especially our Western cousins, prefer the latex feel on their skin.

I tell you, I think they just want to show off their manlier than normal men (they *are* Superheroes, hello~!) chest and manificient physique.

Me, I think latex is a bugger to wear here in Malaysia. On a hot day, sitting on a leather car seat, can you imagine the agony? And the thought of having to peel the costume out at the end of the day...er, no thanks, mate.

And what's the deal about wearing your underwear outside? Didn't your Mama taught you boy? Besides, I've always been a boxers man myself. I don't care what they say about drooping bells. Superheroes do not have to deal with little maladies as such anyway.

I tell ya, Superman? Well he's just out to show off his lunchbox. And if I know any better, I tell you, it's all socks and not much else.

Oops. Manual says I should not diss my own kind.

Uh. Sorry.

Back to my predicament.

I think I shall go for the urban, casual look. You know, khakis, cotton shirts, that sorta thing. Casual, yet cool. Chic, yet macho. Chandler Bing meets Tom Cruise. Ooh, I like that!

And anyway, I wouldn't want to be mistaken as an illegal construction worker if I go about wearing Christmassy green pants and red shirts. Though I think it's best to wear something bright. Beats having to get run over by airborned mechanisms.

Bugger that.