I am no Incredible Hulk but How Mad I am!

Please allow the Superhero to rant today.

The Superhero would like to apologise for the lack of entries. The Superhero does not like to disappoint his fans. I know there are millions of you minions but are too shy to leave your mark, but that’s alright, the Superhero understands. I also have super bionic powers that allow me to know who YOU are so you think I don’t know, but I DO *cue muzak with lots of drumbeats and cymbals in background*.

But as such, obligation remains.

That’s right. First steps for Superhero-dom, the Hero Malaya was sent to Biro Tata Negara for three weeks! Apparently, according to the working Visa for Superhero Expatriates (Terms and Conditions, item 113, section ii(a) to (l)), all Superheroes are required to attend a three (3) weeks BTN course at Janda Baik, Pahang.

However, exceptions are given to Superheroes who are of ill health – such as the Plastic Man which then requires said Superhero to have supporting Certified and True Copied documents by the A listed Company Secretaries (only!!) such as:

i. doctors’ recommendation letters from doctors, (said doctors must be from Panel Hospitals and Clinics only – Addendum, Part IX, Section 3.23),
ii. copy from latest X-ray,
iii. original copy of X-ray report from certified radiologists from abovementioned doctors. Unfortunately for us Superheroes, Superman’s report could not be used – even IF he has X-ray vision and even IF he has written the report with his OWN handwriting (His cursive writing sucks by the way – he writes them way too fast so it kinda looked very jumbled).
iv. Original receipts for the costs undertaken above for reimbursements (for Reimbursement procedures please go to T&C, item 30, section 30.1 to 32.8 and Addendum IV).

However, this is an archaic and obscure rule as Superheroes are not meant to be of ill-health. We are all handsome, sexy (Wonder Woman can X-ray vision me ANY time baybee *roars*), have smooth complexion and have IQ of at least 800. Some of us can cook, sew and do windows too. And lookit Plastic Man - can that man stretch! (very good for backbone he says - he's very into holistic therapists nowadays).

Oh, I digressed.

BTN! Harrumph! What degradation! Superhero does not NEED to be put in a dark forest with only matches and my divine self as company. We are brave enough already! And what do you mean I cannot sing while I’m at it? The Bad People of BTN said that my rendition of “Celeste Aida” is horrible?

Tut. Tut. Unrefined boors they are!

And what’s with having to learn the Camp song and the dire camp vows? And oh oh oh what’s WITH the daily assemblies to start with? And having to cook own meals?? Horrors of horrors! I can easily zap out of Janda Baik to go to the nearest McDonalds and come back within 5 minutes and 20 seconds (McDonald’s orders took less than 50 seconds to prepare and I shall need the 4.5 minutes to scoff down Big Mac, 6 pieces of McNuggets, one large Fries, one large Coke and wash it down with one big chocolate Milkshake) and be back in time for the BTN Head Honcho boring daily closing speech.

Superhero does not look too kindly into these things. Your car tyres will be slashed viciously, mark my words.

So that was my explanation of Superhero being idle for a bit. But fret not, I will enthrall all of you with my superheroic exploits and tribulations.

But now, the Superhero needs his rest and his much needed sleep. And washing mud, monkey’s poo AND tweeze out the torns from the latex costume is no funny joke you know?

Yes, my idea of smart casuals of khakis and cottons have been shot down vehemently by the Legion of International Superheroes Council Committee Team.

Dilbert shall hear about this, mark my words.